15. Ideas on teaching children to be Grateful
I'm not sure how well we taught gratitude to our large family. I do notice when a child or grandchild thanks me for something I do for them, (or anyone else.) It's strange but we often will show gratitude to someone not in our family, and take our family members for granted. It doesn't only apply to material things, but whenever a kindness has been shown, we should thank someone for it. It is rather obvious that many children, and people of all ages today feel sort of "entitled" to things, and it is important to stop and appreciate them!
In one grandchild's Patriarchal blessing, it counsels them to show others that they appreciate the good that they do through phone calls and short notes of recognition and gratitude. It says they will be grateful for the love they receive in return. It is true that when we thank someone, we do receive love back! I have been the recipient of many "Thank You" notes, and it always warms my heart. This article can apply to all of us.
I read an article on Thursday, Nov. 21, 2013, in The Spectrum, a daily newspaper that comes here in St. George, Utah. I really like this article. Once a week a family counselor, Dr. Scott Jakubowski takes a question written in, and gives his advice. This one is about teaching children to not feel "entitled", and learn to be grateful.
Question: Our son recently turned 6 years old and really embarrassed my husband and me at his birthday party. He un-wrapped his gift from my mother-in-law and immediately stated that it was not what he wanted. Not only did he say it was not what he wanted, but he did it in a despicable tone and then tossed the gift aside.
It wasn't a cheap gift, either. It was a model set from a museum that cost more than $100. My mother-in-law really put a lot of thought into the gift.
The point is my son and his brother have become spoiled, and it's their father's fault. Before you think I'm being too harsh on my husband, you should know that he came to the same conclusion after seeing this outburst by our son.
My husband has given our boys everything they ever wanted and more. He is a big kid himself who likes to play video games and collect toys. He didn't have much money growing up, and I figure he's making up for lost time.
However, unlike their father, our boys have never really had to work for what they have, so they don't appreciate material things like my husband does. They don't take care of their things, they take things for granted, and as you can see from the birthday story, they have become entitled and ungrateful.
What's a mother to do about two spoiled boys?
Answer: I'm afraid my answer will be unsatisfyingly simple: Stop spoiling them.
Keep in mind that regardless of what you do, a 6-year-old boy is apt to embarrass you from time to time. Out of the mouths of babes,eh? Nevertheless, you might have a spoiled kid problem, so let me give you some tips.
One: Teach gratitude. If they want something, please require them to say please and thank you. It's anti-spoiling parenting 101. It cause them to be mindful that what they are requesting is not a given and it triggers appreciation in their minds.
Two: Give less. How often do you get that advice in life? Give less? Yeah, gifts should be special. I'm sure in your case, your boys have plenty and won't go wanting for much. So, give them fewer things.
Three: If they don't take care of what they have, they don't deserve more. I once worked with a family and the children said they didn't need to take care of their things because they knew their parents would get them more stuff when their current stuff broke. Sheesh! If kids have less in the first place, they are more likely to appreciate material things.
Four: Go halfsies. If they want a particularly nice or expensive item, require them to save a certain amount and then you can make up the difference. That way, they have some skin in the game and will appreciate no only the object of their desire but also the work it takes to get it.
Five: Give them service experiences. One of the most impressive experiences I've had was dishing out soup in a soup kitchen in downtown Ottawa, Ontario. What a way to become more grateful for what you have. Seeing others with nothing can always put things in perspective. Of course, because of your sons' ages, you'll have to explain what's going on. But you can do it. Teach them about what it means to really want.
I could go on. There are several ways that people become more grateful and less spoiled. But these few tips should get you started.
I find that most parents intuitively know that these things are true but find they just can't resist giving into their kids. Despite knowing better, they just don't want to see their kids upset and so they yield. It's weak parenting. Don't do it.
Understand that helping your kids become happy, well-adjusted adults sometimes means letting them suffer a little or wanting a little. Real life is hard. You do not want them thinking otherwise.
---I hope that helps young parents, grandparents, or anyone!---
Before we went to Sweden on our mission in 1994, we took this photo of us and our children. Top, left to right, McKay, Allen, Anita, Delsy, Wayne M., dad Wayne, Pal. Front row: Jeremy, Pam, Tacy, and Angela. WE ARE MOST THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF THEM!
In one grandchild's Patriarchal blessing, it counsels them to show others that they appreciate the good that they do through phone calls and short notes of recognition and gratitude. It says they will be grateful for the love they receive in return. It is true that when we thank someone, we do receive love back! I have been the recipient of many "Thank You" notes, and it always warms my heart. This article can apply to all of us.
I read an article on Thursday, Nov. 21, 2013, in The Spectrum, a daily newspaper that comes here in St. George, Utah. I really like this article. Once a week a family counselor, Dr. Scott Jakubowski takes a question written in, and gives his advice. This one is about teaching children to not feel "entitled", and learn to be grateful.
Question: Our son recently turned 6 years old and really embarrassed my husband and me at his birthday party. He un-wrapped his gift from my mother-in-law and immediately stated that it was not what he wanted. Not only did he say it was not what he wanted, but he did it in a despicable tone and then tossed the gift aside.
It wasn't a cheap gift, either. It was a model set from a museum that cost more than $100. My mother-in-law really put a lot of thought into the gift.
The point is my son and his brother have become spoiled, and it's their father's fault. Before you think I'm being too harsh on my husband, you should know that he came to the same conclusion after seeing this outburst by our son.
My husband has given our boys everything they ever wanted and more. He is a big kid himself who likes to play video games and collect toys. He didn't have much money growing up, and I figure he's making up for lost time.
However, unlike their father, our boys have never really had to work for what they have, so they don't appreciate material things like my husband does. They don't take care of their things, they take things for granted, and as you can see from the birthday story, they have become entitled and ungrateful.
What's a mother to do about two spoiled boys?
Answer: I'm afraid my answer will be unsatisfyingly simple: Stop spoiling them.
Keep in mind that regardless of what you do, a 6-year-old boy is apt to embarrass you from time to time. Out of the mouths of babes,eh? Nevertheless, you might have a spoiled kid problem, so let me give you some tips.
One: Teach gratitude. If they want something, please require them to say please and thank you. It's anti-spoiling parenting 101. It cause them to be mindful that what they are requesting is not a given and it triggers appreciation in their minds.
Two: Give less. How often do you get that advice in life? Give less? Yeah, gifts should be special. I'm sure in your case, your boys have plenty and won't go wanting for much. So, give them fewer things.
Three: If they don't take care of what they have, they don't deserve more. I once worked with a family and the children said they didn't need to take care of their things because they knew their parents would get them more stuff when their current stuff broke. Sheesh! If kids have less in the first place, they are more likely to appreciate material things.
Four: Go halfsies. If they want a particularly nice or expensive item, require them to save a certain amount and then you can make up the difference. That way, they have some skin in the game and will appreciate no only the object of their desire but also the work it takes to get it.
Five: Give them service experiences. One of the most impressive experiences I've had was dishing out soup in a soup kitchen in downtown Ottawa, Ontario. What a way to become more grateful for what you have. Seeing others with nothing can always put things in perspective. Of course, because of your sons' ages, you'll have to explain what's going on. But you can do it. Teach them about what it means to really want.
I could go on. There are several ways that people become more grateful and less spoiled. But these few tips should get you started.
I find that most parents intuitively know that these things are true but find they just can't resist giving into their kids. Despite knowing better, they just don't want to see their kids upset and so they yield. It's weak parenting. Don't do it.
Understand that helping your kids become happy, well-adjusted adults sometimes means letting them suffer a little or wanting a little. Real life is hard. You do not want them thinking otherwise.
---I hope that helps young parents, grandparents, or anyone!---
Comments
You are a great lady.