36. Ideas about not over-indulging children at Christmas and teaching independence
I remember my mother, Ruth, a gifted school teacher, once had in her class the child of a medical doctor. He was only 8 years old, but had been given everything any child could want, even before he realized he wanted it. One year at Christmas he had been given a BB gun, and he wasn't even excited about it. He never got excited about gifts given to him, because he hadn't had the gift of being allowed to "want" something, and then wait awhile to finally get it. That is a great gift to children! (Refer to my post on Dec. 1, 2013, "A Child's Christmas Prayer.)
(I'll write another post later today, about my father, Orson Pratt Miles, who passed away 38 years ago today.)
These are ideas for helping children learn to become independent, happy adults, and not overindulging at Christmas time. These two articles were in "The Spectrum", a local newspaper, today, Dec. 14, 2013.
Build Christmas spirit in your children this year (condensed)
"The holidays are in full swing: Kids are honing their lists for Santa, colored lights twinkle from eaves, bushes and trees, stores are filled with shoppers and exhausted parents wonder if they’ll make it through the next 11 days. I’ve frequently written about the importance of teaching children to be loving and giving. I’ve stressed that it’s parents’ jobs to pave the way for their kids to become independent, happy adults and cautioned readers not to over-indulge their children.
I’ve seen too many examples, even in my own family, of parents granting their children’s every wish, most prevalent at Christmas time. Parents often max out their credit cards to provide their kids with coveted Wii, smartphone, designer jeans, miniature motorized jeep, etc. The constant barrage of advertisements urging us to buy, buy, buy doesn’t help either.
Our culture tells us we deserve a huge house, an SUV with all the accessories, every electronic gadget made and the latest fashions. Studies conducted during the past decade on children ranging in age from preschoolers to adolescents reveal that self-motivated, disciplined kids who delay gratification consistently outperformed their more impulsive peers on everything from grades to standardized achievement test scores.
One of the studies used a delayed-dollar test to assess the ability of eighth-graders to put off gratification for a larger reward. Kids were given the choice of receiving $5 immediately or $10 in a week. This is an easy test you can give your own kids. If your child would rather wait a week and get twice the money, you’ve probably done a good job of modeling fiscal responsibility and teaching the importance of waiting for better things down the road.
Most child psychologists urge parents to let their kids experience frustration. You may hate to see your child weeping over not having something or being unable to accomplish a task, but frustration can teach him how to solve problems. He’ll learn that life doesn’t give instant rewards.
It’s sad that so many kids today never know the joy of finally receiving a coveted gift after patiently waiting for it. I remember wishing for a doll that could open and close its eyes, drink a bottle and wet its diaper. I cut out the picture of the doll from the catalog and gazed at the doll when I saw it on display. Then one Christmas, that doll appeared under the tree along with brightly wrapped packages of underwear, sweaters and mittens. It was the only toy I received and I still treasure the memory.
You can help your children acquire self-discipline by encouraging them to take music lessons, develop a hobby such as painting or knitting, or participate in sports. Anything that requires effort and practice will build self-confidence as well as self-discipline.
If your child breaks his remote-control car or loses her bicycle because she forgot to put it away, don’t be quick to replace it. In fact, give your child a way to earn the replacement, and let her character grow.
This Christmas season, help your children experience the joy of giving to others rather than focusing on the things they want. Let them help make fancy breads and candies to give to neighbors. Take them to pick out a gift for a name from the Angel Tree or help them select a family to surprise with gifts on their doorstep. Use your imagination to figure out a way to spread joy.
The Christmas spirit will glow brighter and will warm you long after the tree is down and the wrapping paper is put away."
By Corrie Lynne Player, in “The Spectrum” newspaper, Dec. 14, 2013
( I believe the rocking horse we had years ago had springs like this. It took Santa quite awhile on Christmas Eve to put it together! But our children loved it for years. Toys that require some thought and imagination are best for children, so they are not just observers of the antics that electronic toys can do.)
And some ideas from Bill O'Reilly on how Christmas has changed in 100 years.
Christmas in 1913 very different from 2013 (condensed)
"One hundred years ago in America, Christmas was a mighty different situation. Based on newspaper reports, MyHeritage.com recently put together a list of the most-asked- for gifts by children who lived back then. Here are the top five requests:
» Candy.
» Nuts.
» Rocking Horse. (Often home made)
» Doll.
» Mittens.
"It’s a modest list, to say the least, but reflective of a time that was far less complicated than society is today. Now, kids rule in many homes. And Santa is under siege. This year, the top five kid-wants according to retailers are:
» Furby Boom.
» Teksta Robotic Puppy.
» LeapPad Ultra.
» Flutterbye Flying Fairy.
» Big Hugs Elmo.
The cost of these toys is substantial, and you’d better have an engineering degree if something goes wrong. For my money, I think toys are too complicated these days. I like the rocking horse and toy train scenario."
Quote by Pres. Thomas S. Monson: For many people, "overdoing it" is especially common at this time of the year. We may take on too much for the time and energy we have. Perhaps we don't have enough money to spend for those things we feel we must purchase. Often our efforts at Christmastime result in feeling stressed out, wrung out, and worn out during a time when instead we should feel the simple joys of commemorating the birth of the Babe in Bethlehem. Usually, however, the special spirit of the season somehow finds its way into our hearts and into our lives despite the difficulties and distractions which may occupy our time and energy.
President Thomas S. Monson
Good Luck to you parents who have young children at home! We passed that era in our lives many years ago, and now enjoy watching our children and grandchildren.
(I'll write another post later today, about my father, Orson Pratt Miles, who passed away 38 years ago today.)
These are ideas for helping children learn to become independent, happy adults, and not overindulging at Christmas time. These two articles were in "The Spectrum", a local newspaper, today, Dec. 14, 2013.
Build Christmas spirit in your children this year (condensed)
"The holidays are in full swing: Kids are honing their lists for Santa, colored lights twinkle from eaves, bushes and trees, stores are filled with shoppers and exhausted parents wonder if they’ll make it through the next 11 days. I’ve frequently written about the importance of teaching children to be loving and giving. I’ve stressed that it’s parents’ jobs to pave the way for their kids to become independent, happy adults and cautioned readers not to over-indulge their children.
I’ve seen too many examples, even in my own family, of parents granting their children’s every wish, most prevalent at Christmas time. Parents often max out their credit cards to provide their kids with coveted Wii, smartphone, designer jeans, miniature motorized jeep, etc. The constant barrage of advertisements urging us to buy, buy, buy doesn’t help either.
One of the studies used a delayed-dollar test to assess the ability of eighth-graders to put off gratification for a larger reward. Kids were given the choice of receiving $5 immediately or $10 in a week. This is an easy test you can give your own kids. If your child would rather wait a week and get twice the money, you’ve probably done a good job of modeling fiscal responsibility and teaching the importance of waiting for better things down the road.
Most child psychologists urge parents to let their kids experience frustration. You may hate to see your child weeping over not having something or being unable to accomplish a task, but frustration can teach him how to solve problems. He’ll learn that life doesn’t give instant rewards.
It’s sad that so many kids today never know the joy of finally receiving a coveted gift after patiently waiting for it. I remember wishing for a doll that could open and close its eyes, drink a bottle and wet its diaper. I cut out the picture of the doll from the catalog and gazed at the doll when I saw it on display. Then one Christmas, that doll appeared under the tree along with brightly wrapped packages of underwear, sweaters and mittens. It was the only toy I received and I still treasure the memory.
You can help your children acquire self-discipline by encouraging them to take music lessons, develop a hobby such as painting or knitting, or participate in sports. Anything that requires effort and practice will build self-confidence as well as self-discipline.
If your child breaks his remote-control car or loses her bicycle because she forgot to put it away, don’t be quick to replace it. In fact, give your child a way to earn the replacement, and let her character grow.
This Christmas season, help your children experience the joy of giving to others rather than focusing on the things they want. Let them help make fancy breads and candies to give to neighbors. Take them to pick out a gift for a name from the Angel Tree or help them select a family to surprise with gifts on their doorstep. Use your imagination to figure out a way to spread joy.
The Christmas spirit will glow brighter and will warm you long after the tree is down and the wrapping paper is put away."
By Corrie Lynne Player, in “The Spectrum” newspaper, Dec. 14, 2013
( I believe the rocking horse we had years ago had springs like this. It took Santa quite awhile on Christmas Eve to put it together! But our children loved it for years. Toys that require some thought and imagination are best for children, so they are not just observers of the antics that electronic toys can do.)
And some ideas from Bill O'Reilly on how Christmas has changed in 100 years.
Christmas in 1913 very different from 2013 (condensed)
"One hundred years ago in America, Christmas was a mighty different situation. Based on newspaper reports, MyHeritage.com recently put together a list of the most-asked- for gifts by children who lived back then. Here are the top five requests:
» Candy.
» Nuts.
» Rocking Horse. (Often home made)
» Doll.
» Mittens.
"It’s a modest list, to say the least, but reflective of a time that was far less complicated than society is today. Now, kids rule in many homes. And Santa is under siege. This year, the top five kid-wants according to retailers are:
» Furby Boom.
» Teksta Robotic Puppy.
» LeapPad Ultra.
» Flutterbye Flying Fairy.
» Big Hugs Elmo.
The cost of these toys is substantial, and you’d better have an engineering degree if something goes wrong. For my money, I think toys are too complicated these days. I like the rocking horse and toy train scenario."
Quote by Pres. Thomas S. Monson: For many people, "overdoing it" is especially common at this time of the year. We may take on too much for the time and energy we have. Perhaps we don't have enough money to spend for those things we feel we must purchase. Often our efforts at Christmastime result in feeling stressed out, wrung out, and worn out during a time when instead we should feel the simple joys of commemorating the birth of the Babe in Bethlehem. Usually, however, the special spirit of the season somehow finds its way into our hearts and into our lives despite the difficulties and distractions which may occupy our time and energy.
President Thomas S. Monson
Good Luck to you parents who have young children at home! We passed that era in our lives many years ago, and now enjoy watching our children and grandchildren.
Comments