254. From mormonnerd.com, comes this great article: "3 Tiny Words That Can Bring Huge Blessings To Your Marriage."
This is a good follow-up to the entry 2 days ago, # 252, about ways you could be unfaithful to your spouse without realizing it. We all want to have wonderful, kind, eternal marriages. Today my husband helped me with the dishes, cleaning the stove, and other household duties, which seemed so helpful and unselfish! I'm still on physical therapy for my shoulder, and he is very aware of things that would make my arm hurt. He is an 84 year old sweetheart!
This is in LDS Living on Oct. 17, 2014, and is from -- mormonnerd.com
This is in LDS Living on Oct. 17, 2014, and is from -- mormonnerd.com
Someone once said that the secret to a happy marriage is:
How you fold your towels.
Say what?
What that means is that successful marriages are built on the little things–like folding towels the way your wife prefers so they fit in the cabinets. It’s the small things that over time create the happiest, most loving, eternal marriages. The Lord teaches this eternal principle that “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” (Alma 37:6).
Going with the theme of little things bringing large blessings, I believe there are 3 tiny words each with 3 letters that can bring huge blessings to a marriage.
The first word is:
GOD–
Marriage is a heavenly thing. I believe God honors and rejoices in marriages where two people are committing their lives to each other. God’s power and influence can be in a marriage when divine principles are followed.
I fervently believe that God wants us to have true love. If you believe the movies or romance novels, true love is found with a powerful attraction, longing gazes, and grand romantic gestures. True love may sometimes have those things, but that is definitely not what it’s really about. True love is about doing the small things, the hard things, the things that really matter most. In the Bible, the apostle Paul taught with poetic beauty about this heavenly way to love:
He taught, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8, NIV).
That’s true love. That’s God’s way of loving us. That’s the way God wants us to love our spouse. It’s not easy, but it is unquestionably worth working towards.
I am grateful to have experienced this kind of true love in my marriage, as shared by my wife. Here are 3 simple things (among many) that she does that exemplifies this godly love.
1) A text. She sends me texts nearly every day with kind and loving words mixed with silly, goofy emoticons. Sometimes she’ll attach a picture of the kids or herself. Shared love for the digital age.
2) A touch. Everyday I look forward to a sweet hug, time for couch cuddling, holding hands on walks, after-dinner smooches (partially done to embarrass our teenagers), essential oil foot rubs and other kind acts of sharing her healing, loving touch.
3) A prayer. I remember a very stressful time when I was in dental school when my wife and I were first married. I was taking a very important test, one of my crucial finals before graduation. Despite all the pressure and stress, I remember feeling abnormally calm during the test and felt I had done well. After the test I called home to let my wife know how it went, and she said “I’m so glad to hear that! I have been praying for you all morning long.” And then I knew why the test went so well. She could not take the test for me, but she could, with her true love for me, still help me through that difficult exam by calling down heavenly help. She prayed for me then and has everyday throughout our marriage.
A text, a touch, and a prayer are all incredibly small things. But when things like this are consistently done they demonstrate true love that is patient, unselfish, and kind. They show that by loving your spouse the way God loves us, we bring GOD into our marriage.
The next simple, 3-letter word is:
ONE—
In marriage if we are divided we cannot succeed, united we cannot fail. The Lord taught in our modern times “Thou shalt love [each other] with all thy heart, and cleave unto [each other] and none else” (D&C 42:22). In this verse, “cleave” means to “bind together”. So the Lord is saying to love each other with all your hearts, bind yourselves together and to none else. That means that no other person, hobby, interest, job, or pursuit is more important, or should take away from your devotion to each other.
Even good things can end up leaving couples divided instead of united. Schooling and jobs are necessary, but they can divide a marriage if they become the main focus of time and energy. Friends are great to have, but they can divide a couple if too much free time is spent with them instead of each other. Hobbies are enjoyable, but they can divide if they seem to become more important than you are to each other.
I am a huge sports fan and as a bachelor I would stay up late watching the sports highlights on ESPN. As a newlywed, a part of me thought I could still live like a bachelor, but just have a really great new roommate, my wife. And so I continued staying up really late watching every highlight on ESPN. My wife really liked (and still likes) to have me with her in bed while she is falling asleep and the sports highlights were coming between us. Now, she supported my love of sports, but not at the cost of it dividing instead of uniting us. To help us remain one, I turned off the TV and came to bed earlier and she supported me in watching important games live, instead of having to stay up to see the highlights.
To help be one in marriage, you don’t have to follow our sleep schedule, but I do invite you to not let a week go by without having a date night. I know, I know–you’re busy, it’s hard finding a babysitter, and /or you’re on a tight budget. No objection you have is insurmountable. It will take some planning and prioritizing to do it. It does not have to be expensive. You don’t have to be gone a long time. But it must be together time and should be more than just staring at a TV screen. If you do this one simple thing, it will greatly help you to be ONE!
The 3rd and final simple 3 letter word is:
PIE—
Yes, PIE. Now PIE means two things—first, I truly believe that there are very few problems in life that peach pie or banana cream pie can’t help make a bit better. So when (not if) you are facing some challenge together in your marriage, use your weekly date night, and get a good recipe for your favorite kind of pie, and make it…together…and eat it…together…and share that time together. Or even better make two pies, eat one and then bring the other to someone else who needs some extra love.
More than just the tasty baked good however, PIE also is an acronym — P. I. E. — and it stands for Perspective Into Eternity. In marriage, having a perspective into eternity is critical in helping round off the sharp corners that can poke our daily lives. If we see marriage as more than just the day to day challenges of life, then problems that seem big become smaller, mountains turn back into molehills, and GOD can more easily help us to stay as ONE. When we see each other with eternal eyes, then smelly socks left on the floor for the 100th time, or hair clogging the drain yet again, or even unkind words spoken without thinking, can be handled with more patience, forgiveness, and kindness. Perspective into eternity allows us to see not just who we are now, but who each of us can become together–and that can make all the difference.
So, let’s see beyond the day-to-day ups and downs of married life, and take the eternal perspective on marriage and on each other.
With GOD’s true love, as we are ONE, and with some PIE; marriage will bring great happiness and joy. With these simple words we learn that a happy marriage is not a fateful fairy tale; it is a choice we make every day.
I once heard about a bride who sighed blissfully on her wedding day and said to her mother “Mom, I’m at the end of all my troubles!” “Yes,” replied her mother, “but at which end?”
I think everyone would acknowledge that marriage can have troubles and frustrations, but marriage and family also has nearly all of life’s happiest, joyful, and most sublime moments.
Don’t overcomplicate marriage–choose the simple ways to bring great things to pass in marriage. Choose GOD, be ONE, enjoy PIE…and learn to fold those towels the right way.
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