A whole year.
I can hardly believe it. It still surfaces as one of my most-read blogs of all time and I don't think that's a coincidence. It's because out of everything we could ever go through as human beings, that is the one thing that connects us all. The struggle--and the triumph over it.
I read it again this morning, throwing myself back to the time when the Christmas lights were strung, the tree decorated, the little manger on the dresser paused in time with Mary's eyes on the baby Savior's face. Nothing had changed from just an hour before and I'm certain that even our cat was undisturbed from his sleep. Nothing had changed except our hearts. Because my dad, laying within the glow of Christmas lights, had breathed his last. This morning as I read it again it was so hard to wrap my mind around how time had continued to propel us forward, not even taking a moment to help us stand on our own. The night turned into day and the snow came and went and the needles on the tree began to dry and fall in a heap on the carpet. We were stuck in time, unable to breathe without pain, but time didn't care.
It brought me to here. Another Christmas. Another tree. And time to sit and reflect on that Christmas that changed everything.
I've been astonished--more so this year than any other year--how broken Christmas is for so many. And no, I'm not saying that because I lost my Dad at Christmastime.
This year more than ever I've noticed how superficial the holiday has become to so many. It's the most stressful time of year for holiday shoppers who scurry around with holiday lists and rack of credit card debt. People compete to have the prettiest lights on the block and stores fight to have the best sales. The gifts, the traveling, the way we get so entangled in things.
And somehow we forget the things that were illuminated to me just one Christmas ago.
The gift of breathing. The amazing, indescribable gift of having family by your side, even next to an empty tree. The wonderful warmth of hot chocolate and candles and twinkle lights as you simply share the company of a friend. The carols that remind us of the sleeping baby who came to save us all. The wonderment of a child waiting anxiously for Santa to come.
None of these experiences are things. And we know it. Deep inside, we all know it. But we forget over the years and become calloused to what is expected and to the status quo.
Time didn't pause at the stable over 2,000 years ago. It kept going, and the child grew and he ministered and suffered and died and made his way in and out of our hearts through the years. We turned away from the cross and faced in all the other directions that promised fulfillment and peace and just left voids. And we continue to struggle to face the right way. Through the generations we've struggled to remember, we've struggled to fill the voids with material things and importance, and all along we've been breaking Christmas apart. We've been breaking our lives apart.
I still believe that God will give you more than you can handle. This year--starting at last Christmas time--has been the hardest year of my life. Even now, as I write these words, I find tears streaming down my face. It's not that it's gotten easier, because it hasn't. But I've learned something that takes me through.
God will empower you to fight the impossible.
God will send something to make you smile when all you want to do is melt into tears.
God will send friends--so many friends--who paint your life with sunshine and share the shadows.
God will remind you of the laughter and not just the pain within your memories.
God will fight for you to be okay and carry you when you're weak.
God is for you.
This Christmas I choose to step away from the brokenness and the rubble of forgetfulness. I choose to remember the way my Dad's face lit up when I hung the lights near his bed and the way he fought to stay with us. I choose to remember the way he didn't grab for things when he got ready to step into Heaven--but he grabbed for our hands. Christmas is our reminder of the things that keep our feet on solid ground and the One who handles what we simply cannot. Christmas is our time to remember the way the Savior came to a broken world full of grief and pain and impossibility all in order to bring life, and relief and hope.
Because of Him, you make it through the days you otherwise could not. And I believe more than ever, a year later, that we can't handle everything--not a single day. But He can.
And that's the reason to celebrate.
Not only Christmas--but every single breath.
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