347. 13 signs your child might be getting bullied -- from our local paper, by a therapist, Dr. Scott Jakubowski
This was in our local newspaper The Spectrum on Jan. 24, 2015. It sounded like it may have some good ideas for anyone who has had their child bullied. I know that when we were raising children, our children had problems at times. I even remember being either made fun of, or a type of bullying myself, over 70 years ago. But today it seems to be more prevalent perhaps. I hope this gives you good ideas.
13 signs your child might be getting bullied
Question: I have a problem with how to handle a situation that’s happening with my child at school. He is in first grade and claims to be being bullied. Well, he doesn’t say he’s “being bullied,” he says that kids are mean to him and no one likes him.
It breaks my heart. My son is in a phase where he complains a lot about school and he tends to be kind of negative or pessimistic about things. This has me worried, but I don’t know if it’s because he’s being picked on or if he’s being treated like most kids are and he just takes it harder because he’s negative.
I am not really sure what to do. Is there a way to tell for sure if he’s being bullied or if he’s just being overly sensitive?
Answer: Well I can’t say there’s a way to tell “for sure” if he’s being bullied, but I will go over some signs of bullying with you. In any case, however, there is a problem here if a child that young is negative and pessimistic all the time and hearing that makes me sad for him. It is important to see what’s behind your son’s sadness and get him to open up to you.
If he is being bullied, there are several signs to watch for. These include the following:
Regular complaints about being picked on.
Decreased school performance.
Increased incidences of feeling sick or physical complaints, such as a headache, in an apparent attempt to avoid school.
Complaining about not being liked.
Physical signs such as bruises, cuts and scrapes.
There are several signs to watch for if you suspect your child is being bullied.
Scott Jakubowski
Ask Dr. Scott
» Missing personal items (that might be taken by a bully).
» Significantly increased fear of going to school or riding the bus.
» Significant decrease in mood.
» Increase in aggressive behavior toward siblings or animals.
» Crying more often.
» Nightmares.
» Increase separation anxiety or clinginess.
» No longer wants to be with friends as much as before.
These signs — especially if there are new developments and a change from the normal — can be signs of bullying. However, many of them can be signs of other problems as well. For example, not wanting to go to school might be a result of not liking school work or having a personality conflict with a teacher. Crying more often could be a sign of depression rather than bullying, and so forth.
Assessing the situation is complicated. The most important things you can do if you fear your child is being bullied is contact the school and meet to discuss the situation and create an open dialogue with your child.
Meeting with school personnel is critical. First, it helps you determine if there is bullying going on. A perceptive teacher or other school staff member can clarify the situation greatly. They can provide details and perspective that your child might not think of.
Also, cooperative school staff are the best adult intervention available. They are there to intervene when you are not. Don’t be afraid to be assertive. Be kind, as a school can be defensive about its supervision responsibilities, but be firm. This is your child. The stakes are high. And you and your child have a right to a safe environment for his or her education.
In addition to working with school staff, work to help reassure you child. Create a regular and open dialogue. For a variety of reasons, children sometimes hide the bullying. Fortunately, your son is being open. Hear him out. Ask follow-up questions. Assure him that you are there for him and that you will help. Never state that you don’t believe him unless you have undeniable proof that he is not being bullied. (And I’ve never seen that kind of evidence in a case like this.) Bullied or not, it’s concerning to hear that your son is negative and pessimistic at his age. See what you can find out about the bullying and do everything you can to help to create a positive school experience for him. Also, please make sure that whether it is due to bullying or not, that you help him become more positive.
If this requires professional help, then do it. Your son is only in first grade, and these early childhood experiences set the precedent for the rest of his young life. Early intervention can make all the difference.
Dr. Scott is Dr. Scott Jakubowski, Ph.D., LMFT: Owner/ Operator of Horizons Therapeutic Services. Email him at scottjakubowski@hotmail.com.
13 signs your child might be getting bullied
Question: I have a problem with how to handle a situation that’s happening with my child at school. He is in first grade and claims to be being bullied. Well, he doesn’t say he’s “being bullied,” he says that kids are mean to him and no one likes him.
It breaks my heart. My son is in a phase where he complains a lot about school and he tends to be kind of negative or pessimistic about things. This has me worried, but I don’t know if it’s because he’s being picked on or if he’s being treated like most kids are and he just takes it harder because he’s negative.
I am not really sure what to do. Is there a way to tell for sure if he’s being bullied or if he’s just being overly sensitive?
Answer: Well I can’t say there’s a way to tell “for sure” if he’s being bullied, but I will go over some signs of bullying with you. In any case, however, there is a problem here if a child that young is negative and pessimistic all the time and hearing that makes me sad for him. It is important to see what’s behind your son’s sadness and get him to open up to you.
If he is being bullied, there are several signs to watch for. These include the following:
Regular complaints about being picked on.
Decreased school performance.
Increased incidences of feeling sick or physical complaints, such as a headache, in an apparent attempt to avoid school.
Complaining about not being liked.
Physical signs such as bruises, cuts and scrapes.
There are several signs to watch for if you suspect your child is being bullied.
Scott Jakubowski
Ask Dr. Scott
» Missing personal items (that might be taken by a bully).
» Significantly increased fear of going to school or riding the bus.
» Significant decrease in mood.
» Increase in aggressive behavior toward siblings or animals.
» Crying more often.
» Nightmares.
» Increase separation anxiety or clinginess.
» No longer wants to be with friends as much as before.
These signs — especially if there are new developments and a change from the normal — can be signs of bullying. However, many of them can be signs of other problems as well. For example, not wanting to go to school might be a result of not liking school work or having a personality conflict with a teacher. Crying more often could be a sign of depression rather than bullying, and so forth.
Assessing the situation is complicated. The most important things you can do if you fear your child is being bullied is contact the school and meet to discuss the situation and create an open dialogue with your child.
Meeting with school personnel is critical. First, it helps you determine if there is bullying going on. A perceptive teacher or other school staff member can clarify the situation greatly. They can provide details and perspective that your child might not think of.
Also, cooperative school staff are the best adult intervention available. They are there to intervene when you are not. Don’t be afraid to be assertive. Be kind, as a school can be defensive about its supervision responsibilities, but be firm. This is your child. The stakes are high. And you and your child have a right to a safe environment for his or her education.
In addition to working with school staff, work to help reassure you child. Create a regular and open dialogue. For a variety of reasons, children sometimes hide the bullying. Fortunately, your son is being open. Hear him out. Ask follow-up questions. Assure him that you are there for him and that you will help. Never state that you don’t believe him unless you have undeniable proof that he is not being bullied. (And I’ve never seen that kind of evidence in a case like this.) Bullied or not, it’s concerning to hear that your son is negative and pessimistic at his age. See what you can find out about the bullying and do everything you can to help to create a positive school experience for him. Also, please make sure that whether it is due to bullying or not, that you help him become more positive.
If this requires professional help, then do it. Your son is only in first grade, and these early childhood experiences set the precedent for the rest of his young life. Early intervention can make all the difference.
Dr. Scott is Dr. Scott Jakubowski, Ph.D., LMFT: Owner/ Operator of Horizons Therapeutic Services. Email him at scottjakubowski@hotmail.com.
Comments