526. When Problems won't Budge, The Value of Counseling Together!
This article gives very good counsel about what to do when we or others may need help. We are told we should take care of our own stewardships, and not try to take over another person's stewardship. But there are times when others may see solutions to our problems that we aren't able to. I like the ideas here.
When Problems Won’t Budge: The Value of Counseling Together
From the despair of debt to the quicksand of illness and loss, our deepest dilemmas can seem blindingly hopeless. The Lord has said, “Come now, let us reason together…” (Isaiah 1:18; see also Doctrine and Covenants 50:10). If we are willing to open our hearts to the counsel of good mentors, they can see things we missed.
Why counsel together?
The value of counseling together in councils hit me like a road-to-Damascus moment in the mission field. In the Philippines, power outages occur routinely and without warning. Mission generators are essential. Our generator was a behemoth housed in a tight-fitting storage room. The room was so cramped that we couldn’t fully open the generator’s doors without banging the corner of an interior wall. With the doors half-shut, there was no way to see the LED display, let alone program the system.
An engineer came to inspect the generator. He analyzed the problem and recommended that we jackhammer a large corner of the interior cement wall in order to accommodate the swing of the doors. The process would take several weeks to draw the plans, schedule the workers and remodel the bathroom behind the wall.
Enter the fresh eyes of a council to solve a problem: My counselor in the mission presidency, Gordon Mortensen, was skilled at problem solving and especially handy with the finicky generator. We counseled together about the proposed fix in order to find less costly solutions. We bowed our heads and said a prayer. When Gordon opened his eyes he noticed the flanges at the base of the generator were not bolted down. We enlisted the aid of a few muscle-shouldered elders and scooted the generator two inches away from the corner wall. Voilà! The door panels swung freely; demolition avoided and budget saved.
What is our expectation?
While Hollywood rescues are the stuff of fiction, we might apply a lesson from the Karate Kid. In the films, Mr. Miyagi is a wise mentor from the East who trains his callow martial arts student using pithy witticisms, patience and love. In the middle of Daniel LaRusso’s formulaic pummeling, Miyagi would urge Daniel-san to “step back.” Stepping back provided a moment of inspired rescue. Sometimes the student rescued himself; at other times a village of rescuers inspired him to triumph. In a sense, Miyagi and the villagers formed a council of mentors, able to view Daniel-san’s dire circumstance from a better angle. They were connected emotionally and united in message.
Stepping back from problems is more than mere metaphor; it is an essential ingredient in seeking and accepting news eyes on the problem, but what is our expectation? In a Hollywood world our home and visiting teachers would be there for us 24/7, friends would never let us down and our bishop would solve tall problems in a single bound. But God gave us the real world with imperfect people like us. We are all connected and responsible to help each other through life’s calm and storm. As the apostle Paul counseled, “And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you” (1 Cor 12:21).
Problem solving, like shouldering a burden, is easier if we share. Just as Jesus counseled with His Father, He taught His disciples to counsel together as one. If we are reasonable in our expectations, counseling together can help us to help ourselves, to accept needed help when offered, and to lift others in their time of need.
What is the Lord’s counsel on councils?
Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught, “When stake presidents and bishops allow the priesthood and auxiliary leaders whom the Lord has called to serve with them to become part of a problem-solving team, wonderful things begin to happen… Let us remember that the basic council of the Church is the family council. Fathers and mothers should apply diligently the principles I have discussed in their relationships with each other and with their children. In doing so, our homes can become a heaven on earth” (M. Russell Ballard, “Counseling with Our Councils,”Ensign, May, 1994).
Practical application
Some years ago a young mother in our ward struggled to make ends meet. She was understandably exhausted from long work hours, the clatter of rambunctious toddlers and the demands of single parenthood. As she described it, “Hope was hopeless.”
A loving Relief Society president visited her regularly to help with laundry and the children, but the cycle of clutter, exhaustion and hopelessness only deepened for this single mom. When the Relief Society president engaged the help of the ward council, a miraculous metamorphosis took place. One council member learned of a job opportunity which improved the mom’s paycheck. Another volunteered to provide day care for her children as her schedule permitted. Home and visiting teachers were now accepted where they had been previously turned away. In time, this single mom’s circumstance improved and her hope brightened. Her life was not without bruises, but she knew she was loved.
Counseling in councils does not always solve problems. Sometimes inspired council members help us to cope. At other times, caring mentors provide direct help as they act on impressions gained through councils.
The Savior declared, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Luke 11:9). Jesus illustrated the seek-and-find principle in the Parable of the Friend at Midnight. “Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves; For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him? And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee. I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth” (Luke 11: 5-8).
Considering this parable, there are times when we are the friend giving bread at an inconvenient hour. At other times we are the one seeking bread for another, or we are the lonely traveler in need of rest and nourishment after a difficult journey.
Countless are the situations and numberless the difficulties of life. Everyone needs wise and caring mentors to counsel with them and act in love and concern. When our problems blind us to immediate solutions, we need not grope in darkness as eyeless wanderers. Solving our problems or helping others to bear heavy burdens may be as close as stepping back to a friend in council.
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