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584. "How to Love People Who are Hard to Love", by Brittany Olsen, in Meridian Magazine.


This article was written BY , in "She Traveled", and also Meridian Magazine printed it on January 5, 2016.  It has such good counsel!  




ci-hard-to-love




Everyone has known a person who just makes life difficult. Maybe it’s a coworker, a sibling, an in-law, or a classmate who criticizes everything you do, won’t listen to your ideas, or is just plain hard to get along with. These people are challenging to love. However, that doesn’t mean they’re exempt from the Savior’s commandment for us to love them as He loves us (see John 13:34-35). After all, Jesus said, it’s easy to love our friends, but what sets us apart as true Christians is how we show love to people we really work hard at loving (Matthew 5:43-46). I learned how to love people who are hard to love as a sister missionary in Tokyo, Japan.

I decided that if things were going to be different during the last six weeks of my mission, the change had to come from my actions. My new companion was also a brand-new missionary who needed guidance, and she was always very nervous when doing missionary work. Apart from encouraging her while we were out proselyting, I decided to show my approval and love in our prayers.My second to last transfer, I was assigned to train a brand-new missionary. She was Japanese, about seven years older than I was, and she did not like Americans. From day one, everything we did was a struggle. As a seasoned missionary, I wanted to show her how missionary work was done, and she wanted to go about things her own way, preferably with as little input from me as possible. I prayed for strength to get through the transfer, and we did make some progress near the end, but it was a relief when the mission president assigned me a new companion.
Each night when we prayed together, I thanked Heavenly Father aloud for her. I singled out a specific thing she had done well that day, whether we’d been successful or not, and prayed in appreciation for the opportunity to work alongside her.
I couldn’t believe the difference it made in our relationship after just a few days. Going out of my way to point out her strengths every day helped me look forward to working with her, but more than just admiring her skills and work ethic, I grew to love her just for being who she was. As I told Heavenly Father how much I appreciated her, my love deepened, and I felt like Alma who said the souls in his care were “precious” (Alma 31:35). It was an amazing lesson in using prayer to change my heart, and I wish I’d learned it a transfer earlier. This companion and I became great friends and had a lot of fun together, even when missionary work was difficult.
Prayer is an invaluable way to love people who are hard to love. If you can pray aloud together and he or she can hear how much you value them, both of your hearts will be softened. However, praying may not always be possible with people who can make your life a challenge.LDS Family Services has a helpful suggestion for what you can do: “Take the Savior’s counsel to pray for their welfare, asking all the blessings for them that you would want for yourself (see Matthew 5:44).” Pray for them to have success, safety, health, happiness—all the things you pray for. Considering their needs will help open your heart to loving them, and they will feel the difference.
When faced with challenging people, it’s tempting to pray for Heavenly Father to change their behavior to something more agreeable. Instead, look inward and ask Heavenly Father to help change your heart. Don’t just pray for endurance and patience; pray for love. Ask to see this person as Christ does because He’s an expert at loving flawed people like us. Rely on the power of prayer, and the Savior will help you become more like Him.

There was one comment by "withheld", that I want to include:

withheldJanuary 17, 2016

Thanks for the article. I have found this principle so helpful in my own marriage. Catching my spouse doing something good and commenting on it is helpful... especially if things are a bit tense in our relationship. Even more so when I compliment my spouse in front of others. And best of all is when I kneel with my spouse and compliment the good I find in my spouse to Heavenly Father. This goes even further in helping our relationship. And ALL of us need this sort of "confessed" love in our lives to know our love is sincere. It is music not only to our ears but our souls.

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