995. 4 Easy Ways to Avoid Burnout: Why Self-Care Is Anything but Selfish byKari Monet | Jan. 17, 2018 Mormon Life, in LDS Living--Also "Thoughts on Achieving Balance in Life"
I began this blog in November, 2013, and blog # 4, on Nov. 16th, 2013, was my private story about my "nervous breakdown", which had occurred in the 1970's. I have included it at the bottom of this entry.
I called it: Thoughts on Achieving Balance in Life.
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, TO TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES, AND NOT RUN RASTER THAN WE HAVE STRENGTH!
Have you ever been surprised and frustrated by people whose phones go dead right in the middle of the day? It seems like such a basic thing to plug it in at night. But sometimes finding your charger is just too much at 11 p.m., or maybe you have an older phone that won’t hold a charge. Lucky for us lesser mortals, there’s power save, which rations power by cutting nonessential functions.
Self-care works a lot the same way. It’s best to recharge regularly, but when life gets difficult, we can conserve energy by cutting out the nonessentials.
1. Rethink Selfishness
It is common in our culture to equate selflessness with self-neglect—in fact, self-neglect is selfish at its root because it ignores the needs of our loved ones to see us happy and saddles them with guilt over what we’ve given up for them. When we neglect self-care, we’re likely to lose our health and joy, becoming angry, whiny, and endlessly self-centered.
Self-care, by contrast, is based in a bedrock faith in Father in Heaven's love for us. Self-care flowing from that divine love fills us completely and overflows into the lives of those around us. When we truly take care of ourselves, we have energy, joy, and a desire to share the goodness of life with our loved ones.
Here are a few ways we can better recharge and prioritize self-care without becoming selfish:
2. Plug In
When you plug in your phone every night, you are acknowledging that this device is not actually magic and that it requires some respect and care in order to function at its best.
Of course, we all know we're not immortal. We have physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs. Just like cell phones, we need to plug in regularly and recharge, but it’s easy to forget that we need more than prayer and scripture study in order to flourish. Spirituality is essential to a sense of well-being, but it's not going to constitute everything you need for a full charge.
Try to pinpoint what it is that might be draining your energy or “power.” Are you emotionally drained? Stressed? Feeling distant from God? Need some time to yourself? Overwhelmed with family, ward callings, work, etc? Once you figure out what is causing the problem, then you can brainstorm ways to give your body what it needs. Remember, sleep, relaxation, exercise, harmless fun, meditation, stepping away, giving yourself a break, and balance are all essential to a healthy life.
3. Take Some Me Time
What gives your life a sense of fun, accomplishment, relaxation, connectedness, color, expression, or adventure? What do you do that makes you more you? Do you nerd out with the comic-con crowd? Do you love rock climbing? Do you miss chamber choir with all your heart? (If you live close, call me and I'll hook you up.) Figure out what, besides God's love, you need to be happy, and find a way to make it happen for yourself.
I know it's hard. I'm in the middle of raising five kids, and there are weeks when I am "on" for 12 hours or more every single day. But find dreams that are workable within the boundaries of your life and enlist your loved ones in pursuing them.
► You'll also like: Is There a Mormon Burnout Epidemic?
4. Hit Power Save
Let's just say, hypothetically, that you do neglect yourself for a few months or years and you burn out. This may manifest in depression, anxiety, physical illness, relationship troubles, or just sheer exhaustion. You are having trouble plugging in regularly enough to get a full charge and find yourself tapped out in the middle of a long day. And when is the next charge? Well, since the bank account is empty, or your spouse is out of town, or you're down to the wire on a project deadline, or your child is in the hospital, heaven only knows. But you do know that you're charging less often than is optimal, and while you work on fixing that, you still have to survive.
► You'll also like: Toss the Guilt and Catch the Joy: The Importance of Taking Time for Yourself
Time to hit power save. It's actually pretty simple and some of us have been doing it for years but feeling guilty about it. (Time to stop, by the way.) Basically it means cutting down on everything but the absolute basics.
What are the basics? I hope it goes without saying that we’ll start with prayer, scripture study, and family night. Those three are your lifeline and if you're fighting to keep them going you're going to make it. But there are other essentials, such as, oh . . . eating. Sleeping is a good one. Some families absolutely insist on some time outside every day. For me, it's reading time. I feel like a good mom when it happens, so that makes it an essential I fight for even during power saving mode. Every family is different, so find out what gives your family joy and connection. Whatever those things are for you, defend them against the less important things. You’ll rest easier and enjoy the tough times more when you know the basics are covered.
Less important things? Let 'em go as often and as quickly as you can spot them until you're in a better place. It may include some of your kids' extracurricular activities. It may be an extra job or project you thought would charge you up, but is actually draining you. You may find yourself letting that signup sheet pass you by more often. And be honest with your bishop about what you can or can't handle. He stands as God's representative to care for the ward—and you are a member of his ward!
The brightness on your screen goes down in power save mode because it’s the biggest energy suck of all—kind of like keeping up appearances. The faster we can let go of that one, the better. The true light of Christ may not impress superficially, but it's constant and dependable.
► You'll also like: Avoiding Mormon Burnout: Why It's Okay to Say "No"
Saying no is not for sissies. Some people will shame you without even meaning to. You will feel guilty sometimes. At times like these, ask yourself if your loved ones deserve a healthy, happy you. They would probably choose you over many of the things you do to show your love.
So plug in when you can, and hit power save when you can’t. And remember, you were made to be happy.
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Now for the blog I posted on November 16, 2013. It was # 4 in my blogs, when I didn't really know much about writing a blog!
I called it:
Thoughts on Achieving Balance in Life.
Achieving balance in life: I have decided that I wanted to state a theme for each post so it will show when you read it. I have always loved the scripture in Mosiah (Book of Mormon) chapter 4, parts of verse 26, and verse 27: Page 157.
For the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God -- I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants. (Those things are very much needed today in today's world!)
And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.
When we got married in 1955, I didn't know for sure that I would have a large family. My mother always wanted more children than the 3 girls she had, and so I had felt that if I were able, I wanted to have as many children as I could. By the time our oldest was 5, we had 4 children, and we did slow down some. That was in the days before disposable diapers, and dishwashers. I remember the scripture above being such a comfort to me, as I felt often that I was running faster than I had strength. I see young mothers today and I have a very strong empathy for their challenges. But many of them also work outside the home, which I did not do. I did teach piano lessons after school off and on -- between babies. My husband was a school teacher, and we had an average living, but the money from teaching piano lessons always helped. In fact, it helped pay for music lessons that several of our children had from other teachers. I found out early that children usually don't learn as well from a parent, especially on the piano. But I did teach some of ours for awhile.
At a time when we had 1 daughter married, and 2 others in college, with 6 children at home, I was teaching 15 piano students, and was head of the "road show", which is around a 15 minute music and theater project which was done with the teen agers in our Church. For about a month all my teeth ached, and I went to a dentist and had anything fixed. Then I began having headaches, and would wake up with my teeth clenched. At that time I went to a good chiropractor, and after my sobbing to him about how I felt, he told me I was a "hair's breath away from a nervous breakdown" and that I had "adrenalin exhaustion", and that I was to learn to say "No!" Incidentally the week before in Church they asked for people to help at the cannery, and if that wasn't possible, could we help take care of small children of those who could go to the cannery. I already had the headaches and offered to tend children, thinking that staying at home wouldn't be as stressful. I ended up having people come with 10 preschoolers, which I cared for around 4 hours! I believe it was the next day I really fell apart, and went to the chiropractor.
He told me I needed to learn to say "No!", and to write it on a paper 24 times a day, and use it with my children, the Church, my husband, whoever kept asking me to serve them. My husband had to call my 15 piano students, and the Church about the road show, as I couldn't talk without crying. My one youngest child, then about 3, sat in front of "Sesame Street" for hours, and I had naps in the morning and afternoon, and a long night's rest. I went to the chiropractor 3 times a week for 6 weeks, and I truly wondered if I would ever have any energy the rest of my life. He told me when my body was rested, that I would gain my strength back. I worked at exercising gradually, and finally got feeling some energy.
I believe I was one of those people who believe they can do anything they put their minds to. And I found out that I did have a breaking point! Since then, I never have been that bad, and I have learned to say "No!" --- But I believe the last part of that scripture is also important -- that of being "diligent" -- and in order. We shouldn't give up, but use wisdom and order. I remember years ago that Darle Hoole was well known as a writer of homemaking books. She said to remember there was a time when it was more important to have clean baby bottles than a clean front room (if a choice had to be made) -- and often it was the front room that got neglected in our house!
There are many times our families can use our help. We have been "empty nesters" for many years now, but it is always so rewarding to be able to help when we have had new grandchildren; help with weddings, and the many preparations, help fix dinners for missionary farewells and homecomings, etc. ( We have Sunday Dinner at our house each Sunday, and have games after -- but that's another story! -- ) I realize that often our help can be the difference to some of the very busy and stressed mothers in our family to be able to avoid a near breakdown such as I had. So now I'm leaving the computer to help prepare food for one of our grandson's missionary homecoming celebration tomorrow morning -- (November 17, 2013)
----------------------------------------------
Now for the blog I posted on November 16, 2013. It was # 4 in my blogs, when I didn't really know much about writing a blog!
I called it:
Thoughts on Achieving Balance in Life.
Achieving balance in life: I have decided that I wanted to state a theme for each post so it will show when you read it. I have always loved the scripture in Mosiah (Book of Mormon) chapter 4, parts of verse 26, and verse 27: Page 157.
For the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God -- I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants. (Those things are very much needed today in today's world!)
And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.
When we got married in 1955, I didn't know for sure that I would have a large family. My mother always wanted more children than the 3 girls she had, and so I had felt that if I were able, I wanted to have as many children as I could. By the time our oldest was 5, we had 4 children, and we did slow down some. That was in the days before disposable diapers, and dishwashers. I remember the scripture above being such a comfort to me, as I felt often that I was running faster than I had strength. I see young mothers today and I have a very strong empathy for their challenges. But many of them also work outside the home, which I did not do. I did teach piano lessons after school off and on -- between babies. My husband was a school teacher, and we had an average living, but the money from teaching piano lessons always helped. In fact, it helped pay for music lessons that several of our children had from other teachers. I found out early that children usually don't learn as well from a parent, especially on the piano. But I did teach some of ours for awhile.
At a time when we had 1 daughter married, and 2 others in college, with 6 children at home, I was teaching 15 piano students, and was head of the "road show", which is around a 15 minute music and theater project which was done with the teen agers in our Church. For about a month all my teeth ached, and I went to a dentist and had anything fixed. Then I began having headaches, and would wake up with my teeth clenched. At that time I went to a good chiropractor, and after my sobbing to him about how I felt, he told me I was a "hair's breath away from a nervous breakdown" and that I had "adrenalin exhaustion", and that I was to learn to say "No!" Incidentally the week before in Church they asked for people to help at the cannery, and if that wasn't possible, could we help take care of small children of those who could go to the cannery. I already had the headaches and offered to tend children, thinking that staying at home wouldn't be as stressful. I ended up having people come with 10 preschoolers, which I cared for around 4 hours! I believe it was the next day I really fell apart, and went to the chiropractor.
He told me I needed to learn to say "No!", and to write it on a paper 24 times a day, and use it with my children, the Church, my husband, whoever kept asking me to serve them. My husband had to call my 15 piano students, and the Church about the road show, as I couldn't talk without crying. My one youngest child, then about 3, sat in front of "Sesame Street" for hours, and I had naps in the morning and afternoon, and a long night's rest. I went to the chiropractor 3 times a week for 6 weeks, and I truly wondered if I would ever have any energy the rest of my life. He told me when my body was rested, that I would gain my strength back. I worked at exercising gradually, and finally got feeling some energy.
I believe I was one of those people who believe they can do anything they put their minds to. And I found out that I did have a breaking point! Since then, I never have been that bad, and I have learned to say "No!" --- But I believe the last part of that scripture is also important -- that of being "diligent" -- and in order. We shouldn't give up, but use wisdom and order. I remember years ago that Darle Hoole was well known as a writer of homemaking books. She said to remember there was a time when it was more important to have clean baby bottles than a clean front room (if a choice had to be made) -- and often it was the front room that got neglected in our house!
There are many times our families can use our help. We have been "empty nesters" for many years now, but it is always so rewarding to be able to help when we have had new grandchildren; help with weddings, and the many preparations, help fix dinners for missionary farewells and homecomings, etc. ( We have Sunday Dinner at our house each Sunday, and have games after -- but that's another story! -- ) I realize that often our help can be the difference to some of the very busy and stressed mothers in our family to be able to avoid a near breakdown such as I had. So now I'm leaving the computer to help prepare food for one of our grandson's missionary homecoming celebration tomorrow morning -- (November 17, 2013)
