823. A year ago tonight was Wayne's last night alive on this earth. Many memories and pictures.
A year ago today was Wayne's last day on earth. I've decided to include part of something I had written not long after Wayne passed away. It tells of his last hours -- I hope it isn't too personal, but it tells a lot about him, and his stamina and faith. I'm not going to label the pictures. I think you know who they are!
Tonight is a sentimental time -- one year ago tonight at this time, we were very concerned about Wayne. He had gone on Hospice the day before, and they had brought a wheel chair and also a walker. He started using the walker then, but only a year ago today, which was a Saturday, he wanted to be taken from the front room to the bedroom in a wheelchair. He was getting weaker. He had dialysis on Friday, which always weakened him. He had been told months ago that when he felt he couldn't live through any more he could just stop dialysis, and he would go to sleep soon, and not wake up. But he loved life so much, that he didn't decide to do that.
He had been in the hospital February 14th through the 16th, and came home on Tuesday. On Wednesday, February 16, after the hospital stay, we had a routine appointment with Dr. Ray Richards. When we went that morning Dr. Richards looked at Wayne, and very kindly said, “Wayne I need to be blunt with you.” He said Wayne needed to do 2 things, and in his own words he told Wayne he needed to accept what was happening in his body, and to not try to fight it, and be heroic, but that there were beautiful things awaiting him in the Spirit World, and to be able to give himself permission to be willing to go there – or something like that. He then said “And don’t make it too hard on your wife!” I’m not sure why he added that, except that maybe I was looking very tired, which I was, actually. Wayne mentioned that he had finished 685,000 names indexed, and 73,000 arbitrated. Dr. Richards was amazed, and said “Can I tell my other patients about you!” The fact of the matter is that when Wayne went in the hospital on Feb. 14th, he had completed 684,898 names. When he came home on Tuesday, even in his weak state, he wanted to complete 685,000, so he did some indexing that night, and Wednesday before he went to Dr. Richards he did finish the 685,070 names. After he went to Dr. Richards, he went to his regular dialysis. Due to the diarrhea starting, the dietitian suggested giving him 2 ounces of water, 3 ounces of gaterade, and 4 ounces of Nepro every 2 hours, instead of twice that much at a time, 4 times a day. She thought it would help him be able to absorb more and not get more weak. So the last 2 or 3 days that is what I did.
But it seems Dr. Richards did Wayne a huge favor, by helping him allow himself to actually admit to himself how he really did feel. During the last week or two, even sitting on the recliner couch we have, he would sit up mostly, as he couldn’t breathe well reclining. I’d put pillows behind his back to help him be able to be more upright so he could spit, etc. And he was on oxygen more after the hospital stay. On Thursday night Delsy and Gordon and Anita came and watched “Wheel of Fortune” with us, and we played games a short while. Wayne won and when they said “Dad, you won!” He responded “Naturally!” His mind was clear, and he guessed some of the phrases on Wheel the quickest. He stayed cheerful, didn’t complain, and tried to do all he could to dress himself, etc.
One night that week Delsy asked him what he would really like to do, and he made a comment like: “I’d like to be able to get on with my life, and feel like doing more!” He also told the people at dialysis that he didn’t feel like he had much time left. He and I didn’t talk about that much, and I guess it was quietly understood. But on Thursday and Friday, Feb. 17th and 18th, Wayne didn’t even try to do any indexing. It was as if he was “done”, and couldn’t do any more. He had so enjoyed indexing and even after dialysis he would index awhile, saying it relaxed him. He had done an average of 5,000 to 7,000 names a month, 4 or 5 hours a day for 8 or 9 years. Often when we had family or someone come, I’d sort of have to pry him off the computer, as he had to just “finish this batch!”
The days immediately after his stay in the hospital, we had Kristen come on Thursday, Feb. 18th to talk about Hospice. On Friday, Feb. 19th, we decided to begin Hospice. That afternoon they brought a wheelchair and walker for him. Up until then he hadn’t used either one. Tacy, and Allen, and also Pam and Wayne M. had a trip planned to our house the next weekend, Feb. 27th, and I remember Tacy telling Wayne “Hang on Dad for 9 more days!” so they could see him alive. On Saturday, Feb. 20th, he began using the walker. We had friends, Norma and Glen Hovey drop in early in the afternoon. I brought them in the bedroom where Wayne was watching TV in our recliner. We all visited and the 2 men talked some about their army experiences for awhile. Wayne’s mind was clear, but his talking was rather weak, and sometimes slurred.
Then around 4:15 p.m. we had a visit from Brandon and Valerie Wainwright, dear friends whom I had accompanied a lot until they moved to Cedar City, where he now teaches. They were sitting in the front room, so I came and asked Wayne if he would like to come and visit. He said he would if I could bring him in the wheelchair. Just getting him into the wheelchair, his knees were too weak, they almost buckled. I took him in from the bedroom to the front room in the wheel chair and after a few minutes, he was tired and I took him back to the bedroom. A while later he needed me to wheel him to the bathroom in the wheelchair, just a distance of 12 to 15 feet. He then came back to the recliner, and stayed. During this time I was giving him the water, gaterade, and Nepro every 2 hours.
Delsy came over and was here when a BYU game was coming on at 7 p.m., and Wayne always talked on the phone a few times to McKay during such games. But when McKay called shortly after 7 p.m, he seemed weak so I held the phone up to his ear. He began to sort of babble, and not be able to form words. I was immediately thinking he was having a stroke, and I called Kristin, the Home Health Nurse, to come and help us. That afternoon about 3 p.m. another nurse, Leah, had come as the official Hospice nurse to check him out, and she was planning to come the next day, Sunday, and also check him out for the weekend. But we knew Kristin the best, and Leah lived clear over in Hurricane, so Kristin came quickly.
At the Temple at our grandson's wedding in May, 2015.
She accessed the situation, and went to her office to get some supplies. She brought back 3 liquid medicines, one to help clear up the saliva he had so often, as he was too weak to spit it out now, and also lorazepam (for anxiety) and morphine. She said he wasn’t having a stroke, as he could grasp with his hands, etc. For an hour or two he was quite incoherent. But around 9 p.m. he became more aware of what was happening. Kristen had helped us put him in bed, and put his bi-pap machine on to help him breathe, so anything he tried to say was muffled by that. She told me she didn’t think he would last the night. So during the next 2 hours or so Delsy mostly called each of our children, many of the grandchildren, and let them say goodbye to their dad and grandpa. Roy and Lucinda came, and also Joe and Lori Eckman. Jeremy and Danielle came, also, and they stayed a short time. Wayne M. was in a production at the Tabernacle with the choir, and we finally got in touch with him around 9:45. He said “Dad, go toward the light.” – I remember. Around 10 p.m. or so, we called our bishop and asked him to come and give Wayne a blessing. In that blessing, with the consecrated oil, he said that if now was the time that Heavenly Father wanted to call him home, that it would be quick, and peaceful, and painless. He also said that if it was the Lord’s will that he should live to see more of his family, that would happen.
Anita got home around 10 p.m., and also talked to dad. She had ushered at the St. George Musical Theater, as I had arranged a week before for her and me to do that. She regretted not being there during those hours, but we really didn’t realize how close he was to passing. I remember talking to him, telling him how much I loved him, and that he had taken such good care of me, etc. I asked him if he would like something to help him sleep, and he nodded “Yes.” So I gave him one dose of lorazepam. I asked him if he was in any pain, and he nodded “no”. So I didn’t give him any morphine. He just seemed to quietly go to sleep. I remember he seemed to have a hard time keeping his eyes closed. I wonder now if he actually wasn’t seeing anything. I would close his eyes for him, and then they would stay closed a minute or two, and then they would go open. Finally after closing them several times, they stayed closed.
This was at our 60th wedding anniversary party in September, 2015.
Delsy and Anita and I talked until 1 a.m. and decided to go to sleep. Anita woke up about 2:30 and said that he was breathing slowly. . I had been laying next to him, holding his hand, and I felt it getting colder, but thought perhaps it was just that the house was rather cold. She then woke up about an hour later, and woke me, and said she thought he was gone. We couldn’t tell easily, as he had the bi-pap on, and it made a noise to help him breathe. Surely at that time, he was gone. We think it happened perhaps an hour earlier. But we called the Hospice nurse. She was in Hurricane, so it took her around 45 minutes to come. She was the one who pronounced his death, and after disposing of all the medicines they had brought, called the Hughes Mortuary which we had decided to use. The story from that time on is quite involved, planning a funeral, writing an obituary, picking out a burial plot and headstone.
Tonight is a sentimental time -- one year ago tonight at this time, we were very concerned about Wayne. He had gone on Hospice the day before, and they had brought a wheel chair and also a walker. He started using the walker then, but only a year ago today, which was a Saturday, he wanted to be taken from the front room to the bedroom in a wheelchair. He was getting weaker. He had dialysis on Friday, which always weakened him. He had been told months ago that when he felt he couldn't live through any more he could just stop dialysis, and he would go to sleep soon, and not wake up. But he loved life so much, that he didn't decide to do that.
He had been in the hospital February 14th through the 16th, and came home on Tuesday. On Wednesday, February 16, after the hospital stay, we had a routine appointment with Dr. Ray Richards. When we went that morning Dr. Richards looked at Wayne, and very kindly said, “Wayne I need to be blunt with you.” He said Wayne needed to do 2 things, and in his own words he told Wayne he needed to accept what was happening in his body, and to not try to fight it, and be heroic, but that there were beautiful things awaiting him in the Spirit World, and to be able to give himself permission to be willing to go there – or something like that. He then said “And don’t make it too hard on your wife!” I’m not sure why he added that, except that maybe I was looking very tired, which I was, actually. Wayne mentioned that he had finished 685,000 names indexed, and 73,000 arbitrated. Dr. Richards was amazed, and said “Can I tell my other patients about you!” The fact of the matter is that when Wayne went in the hospital on Feb. 14th, he had completed 684,898 names. When he came home on Tuesday, even in his weak state, he wanted to complete 685,000, so he did some indexing that night, and Wednesday before he went to Dr. Richards he did finish the 685,070 names. After he went to Dr. Richards, he went to his regular dialysis. Due to the diarrhea starting, the dietitian suggested giving him 2 ounces of water, 3 ounces of gaterade, and 4 ounces of Nepro every 2 hours, instead of twice that much at a time, 4 times a day. She thought it would help him be able to absorb more and not get more weak. So the last 2 or 3 days that is what I did.
But it seems Dr. Richards did Wayne a huge favor, by helping him allow himself to actually admit to himself how he really did feel. During the last week or two, even sitting on the recliner couch we have, he would sit up mostly, as he couldn’t breathe well reclining. I’d put pillows behind his back to help him be able to be more upright so he could spit, etc. And he was on oxygen more after the hospital stay. On Thursday night Delsy and Gordon and Anita came and watched “Wheel of Fortune” with us, and we played games a short while. Wayne won and when they said “Dad, you won!” He responded “Naturally!” His mind was clear, and he guessed some of the phrases on Wheel the quickest. He stayed cheerful, didn’t complain, and tried to do all he could to dress himself, etc.
One night that week Delsy asked him what he would really like to do, and he made a comment like: “I’d like to be able to get on with my life, and feel like doing more!” He also told the people at dialysis that he didn’t feel like he had much time left. He and I didn’t talk about that much, and I guess it was quietly understood. But on Thursday and Friday, Feb. 17th and 18th, Wayne didn’t even try to do any indexing. It was as if he was “done”, and couldn’t do any more. He had so enjoyed indexing and even after dialysis he would index awhile, saying it relaxed him. He had done an average of 5,000 to 7,000 names a month, 4 or 5 hours a day for 8 or 9 years. Often when we had family or someone come, I’d sort of have to pry him off the computer, as he had to just “finish this batch!”
The days immediately after his stay in the hospital, we had Kristen come on Thursday, Feb. 18th to talk about Hospice. On Friday, Feb. 19th, we decided to begin Hospice. That afternoon they brought a wheelchair and walker for him. Up until then he hadn’t used either one. Tacy, and Allen, and also Pam and Wayne M. had a trip planned to our house the next weekend, Feb. 27th, and I remember Tacy telling Wayne “Hang on Dad for 9 more days!” so they could see him alive. On Saturday, Feb. 20th, he began using the walker. We had friends, Norma and Glen Hovey drop in early in the afternoon. I brought them in the bedroom where Wayne was watching TV in our recliner. We all visited and the 2 men talked some about their army experiences for awhile. Wayne’s mind was clear, but his talking was rather weak, and sometimes slurred.
Then around 4:15 p.m. we had a visit from Brandon and Valerie Wainwright, dear friends whom I had accompanied a lot until they moved to Cedar City, where he now teaches. They were sitting in the front room, so I came and asked Wayne if he would like to come and visit. He said he would if I could bring him in the wheelchair. Just getting him into the wheelchair, his knees were too weak, they almost buckled. I took him in from the bedroom to the front room in the wheel chair and after a few minutes, he was tired and I took him back to the bedroom. A while later he needed me to wheel him to the bathroom in the wheelchair, just a distance of 12 to 15 feet. He then came back to the recliner, and stayed. During this time I was giving him the water, gaterade, and Nepro every 2 hours.
Delsy came over and was here when a BYU game was coming on at 7 p.m., and Wayne always talked on the phone a few times to McKay during such games. But when McKay called shortly after 7 p.m, he seemed weak so I held the phone up to his ear. He began to sort of babble, and not be able to form words. I was immediately thinking he was having a stroke, and I called Kristin, the Home Health Nurse, to come and help us. That afternoon about 3 p.m. another nurse, Leah, had come as the official Hospice nurse to check him out, and she was planning to come the next day, Sunday, and also check him out for the weekend. But we knew Kristin the best, and Leah lived clear over in Hurricane, so Kristin came quickly.
She accessed the situation, and went to her office to get some supplies. She brought back 3 liquid medicines, one to help clear up the saliva he had so often, as he was too weak to spit it out now, and also lorazepam (for anxiety) and morphine. She said he wasn’t having a stroke, as he could grasp with his hands, etc. For an hour or two he was quite incoherent. But around 9 p.m. he became more aware of what was happening. Kristen had helped us put him in bed, and put his bi-pap machine on to help him breathe, so anything he tried to say was muffled by that. She told me she didn’t think he would last the night. So during the next 2 hours or so Delsy mostly called each of our children, many of the grandchildren, and let them say goodbye to their dad and grandpa. Roy and Lucinda came, and also Joe and Lori Eckman. Jeremy and Danielle came, also, and they stayed a short time. Wayne M. was in a production at the Tabernacle with the choir, and we finally got in touch with him around 9:45. He said “Dad, go toward the light.” – I remember. Around 10 p.m. or so, we called our bishop and asked him to come and give Wayne a blessing. In that blessing, with the consecrated oil, he said that if now was the time that Heavenly Father wanted to call him home, that it would be quick, and peaceful, and painless. He also said that if it was the Lord’s will that he should live to see more of his family, that would happen.
Anita got home around 10 p.m., and also talked to dad. She had ushered at the St. George Musical Theater, as I had arranged a week before for her and me to do that. She regretted not being there during those hours, but we really didn’t realize how close he was to passing. I remember talking to him, telling him how much I loved him, and that he had taken such good care of me, etc. I asked him if he would like something to help him sleep, and he nodded “Yes.” So I gave him one dose of lorazepam. I asked him if he was in any pain, and he nodded “no”. So I didn’t give him any morphine. He just seemed to quietly go to sleep. I remember he seemed to have a hard time keeping his eyes closed. I wonder now if he actually wasn’t seeing anything. I would close his eyes for him, and then they would stay closed a minute or two, and then they would go open. Finally after closing them several times, they stayed closed.
Delsy and Anita and I talked until 1 a.m. and decided to go to sleep. Anita woke up about 2:30 and said that he was breathing slowly. . I had been laying next to him, holding his hand, and I felt it getting colder, but thought perhaps it was just that the house was rather cold. She then woke up about an hour later, and woke me, and said she thought he was gone. We couldn’t tell easily, as he had the bi-pap on, and it made a noise to help him breathe. Surely at that time, he was gone. We think it happened perhaps an hour earlier. But we called the Hospice nurse. She was in Hurricane, so it took her around 45 minutes to come. She was the one who pronounced his death, and after disposing of all the medicines they had brought, called the Hughes Mortuary which we had decided to use. The story from that time on is quite involved, planning a funeral, writing an obituary, picking out a burial plot and headstone.
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